A GOWN FIT FOR A CROWN?

Before I even attempt to give my views on the evening gowns that our representatives have worn (or should wear) at Miss Universe, I feel I should state my views on having a judged evening gown category perfectly clear: The evening gown parade, like the national costume parade, should NOT count when determining that one woman who represents the universal idea of beauty.

My reasons for excluding the evening gown competition are as follows:

* Not all competing nations have access to the same financial and creative resources;

* Not all competing nations value the worth of beauty pageants or have support from the nations which they represent;

* A bad gown choice has seen many a world-beater lose out in the race for the crown, just as a stunning gown has allowed average contestants to beat out considerably better looking contestants in their quest for the crown;

* The variables should be negligible and all categories should be as level a playing field as is possible.

In my honest opinion, all contestants should wear identical bathing suits (to judge figure, form and fitness), and if a category to adjudge the contestants' ability to "wear" an evening gown is necessary, have a long gown competition with all contestants wearing identical long gowns. In addition, there should be a beautful face/photogenic (as adjudged by experts and not the Press or internet voters) category, and a standardised Q & A session with a panel of judges rather than a one-on-one with individual judges.

Ok! So now that I have made my views on the judging categories clear, I suppose it's back to the evening gowns. Well, a pageant wouldn't be a pageant without glamourous evening gowns that should only be donned for the coronation ceremony once judging has been completed. Some of the most stunning gowns have been worn at the Academy Awards by actresses who didn't stand a hope in hell of winning the award, and the same principle should (although not ideally so) apply at a BEAUTY pageant.

I'm not even going to attempt to rattle off the names of well-known local designers and pretend I'm familiar with their work, but there are a couple of designers who's designs I like as a rule, and some who's work I detest. For one, I have met some of them personally and, although I think their designs suck, I enjoy their company and would not like to step on toes should they happen upon this blog.

One designer who's work I do admire is Kobus Dippenaar. Any designer that can make a frizzled-up old prune like Edith Venter look glamourous deserves my vote. The best "pageant" designers are Werner Dey and JJ Schoeman. Their pageant gowns almost always hit the nail on the head.

I found the write-up in the YOU magazine on the choice of gown for Tatum Keshwar quite amusing. All those "in" people gushing and fawning and drooling over a gown that is really crap. It honestly looks like the ripple icing on a peppermint tart and is not going to win any awards. A gown for Miss Universe should be glitz, glamour and sparkles. And that matric farewell creation most certainly would look out of place in Hollywood.

If I had to rate the gowns worn by the last 10 representatives at Miss Universe, my list would look as follows (from favourite to least favourite):

* Vanessa Carreira
* Cindy Nell
* Jo-Ann Strauss
* Claudia Henkel
* Megan Coleman
* Sonia Raciti
* Heather Hamilton
* Thuli Sithole
* Tansey Coetzee
* Joan Ramagoshi

Please note that this is my rating of the gowns, and not the wearer.

As I said in the beginning, I don't think there should be an evening gown competition at Miss Universe, but since there is, our representative should wear a gown that says WOW, not bow-wow.