TIE ME KANGAROO DOWN SPORT

I have never been to Australia, but a visit to the land of Crocodile Dundee is definitely on my "bucket list". I suppose that I have always been fascinated with the country since the lifestyle there is supposedly similar to that of South Africa. If I ever had to live in another country, it would most definitely be Australia.

Having said that, those Aussies are a funny lot. Rachael Finch has just been crowned Miss Universe Australia, and instead of concentrating on their international representative who has a realistic chance of doing well at Miss Universe later in the year, the media is up in arms over the a skinny contestant at the pageant.

Quite frankly, the pageant organisers should be held accountable for the controversy. The girl in question should never have been allowed to compete at the pageant in the first place. Having seen photographs of the controversial contestant, I would lock her up in Ward 13 and force-feed her if it was my call. Not a good look.

Last year we witnessed the opposite extreme when the world was in awe of the "Dairy Queen" that competed at Miss England, and praised her for her chutzpah. Whilst she was a pretty girl, I don't think that acceptance of borderline obesity (she was fat, not plus-size) is the message that we should be sending to the impressionable youth. It's not ok to be skinny, but fat is fabulous? But I digress.

It is a well-known "fact" that Australia and South Africa have had their own private "rivalry" in most academic, cultural and sporting arenas for the last few decades. Whilst their rugby and cricket teams are experiencing a slump of sorts at present, the Aussies have, nevertheless, come out on top in most instances.

I am, however, pleased to announce that we do beat the Aussies at something other than cricket and rugby: beauty pageants. For a number of reasons South Africa has not participated at Miss Universe and Miss World as often as the Aussies have, but in terms of "head-to-head" contests, the scores are as follows:

Miss Universe: South Africa 11, Australia 4
Miss World: South Africa 17, Australia 9

Now all we have to do is lower SA's unemployment and crime rates , improve public transport, social welfare and medical, vote relatively competent and honest politicians into power, win a couple of Olympic and World titles more, make a bigger impact on world fashion, music and entertainment, and then we'll have reason to be more arrogant and big-headed than they are.

Ok! I'm being overly optimistic here. It's not going to happen.